Most people will never see the reasoning you have created for yourself. They will only see what the media has told them to believe. It is so severe that most people don't know when to take an aspirin without calling a doctor. Growing up my sisters would joke that I was raised by wolves or adopted because I was just too carefree, wandering and random to fit in. As I grew up I started rejecting many of my generations values and lived my life the way I saw fit. Now there have been times when the situations I have found myself in have been far less than ideal of what I had in mind, but at heart, I am learning not to mind and to accept the challenges.
What I am saying is:
The images of Uganda and the images of the people I have met are ingrained in my mind. In fact, I have found that I usually see concepts in pictures. I see them in images that flow to me and make things real as to my own life. In these images I keep twisting around in my head, I realize that I may not be back to Uganda in awhile and will truly miss the relational aspects of life in Africa. I will miss the sitting around at night under the moon with my neighbors and friends and talking about life. I will miss the heavy downpours of rain that I will forever rejoice for because I know of a region in the world that survives by its coming. I will miss the sounds of the drums in the thick, humid air. I will miss the words spoken here and how they are spoken with such love, peacefulness and pride. I will miss sitting around drinking beer and waragi with elders in the camps and sharing ones journey. It is there where I learned to enjoy the moment.
In a sense I have come to be unappreciative of the name that is used to address me. The name "mzungu" (white person) does not speak well to the person I feel I have become after spending so much time here. As a mzungu in Africa I apparently walk quickly and do things at such a pace that I haven't taken the time to appreciate and enjoy the small things in life. And that is what life here is all about, completely and whole-heartedly. I am learning the patience it takes to embark on a journey such as the one I have taken off on. I have found that watching things unfold naturally around me instead of taking control in my own strength is probably one of the hardest things I will ever do and learn to do.
Finally, it saddens my heart and my soul to know that many people simply live on a different plane. Life has become one of repitition in which we wake up, go to work, and then go to bed. In feeling the saddness of such a life as this, I am beginning to learn to care for my soul and release the life within me by savoring the little things in life...and by dancing, of course. :)
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