Love is a Verb

I have always had people in my life that believed in my skill, whatever I decided I wanted it to be. And the fact that I had an eccentric behavior, they believed I could take that somewhere in my life. And for those people, they should be the award winners to the role they played. From my origins to the work I choose to take part in today, I have learned from them that my heart is strong enough and capable of taking me to the places I want to go. I don’t think I have ever realized that before now. It all started from my origins.

My origins are in the North. They are in the first meeting of my mother and father and in the neighborhood I grew up in; the place I first started to form human relationships. Later I grew up in the city. My origins are also in the culturally diverse city of my early adulthood in which I finally started to understand the value of human relationships. I learned that if anything in life is important, then that is it.

With a strong heart and a desire to embrace the world around me I spent half a year thousands of miles away from where I originated. I’ve sat upon the setting sun in some of the most beautiful places in the world and learned to embrace my small but significant role in the world. I have heard 100 children crying out of laughter and saw something wonderful within a community who is as beautiful as they are unorthodox. I found myself in the beauty salon where I sat for hours getting my hair plated by Ugandan women. And after talking to a friend at a coffee shop in town one beautiful day, I realized that all these things I have witnessed and experienced here are the very things that make up the person I have become. Just like digging in the garden here strengthens every muscle in my body, the people and the simplicity of life have strengthened my heart. And at times my heart seems too strong to carry on. My origins are in the North, and my origins are also in Africa.

Gulu has been that place in the world for me that has allowed me to share who I am and express myself to others in a completely unique way. And in doing so I have strengthened the relationships I have with the people in my life. I have come to understand that most people aren’t accustomed to expressing their true intentions. We tend to hide our feelings from others to avoid violating social conventions which becomes a problem when there is discordance between desires and words. Such discordance can give rise to double standards both in individuals as well as in nations. My travels have taught me that expressing my true intentions to others tends to be somewhat problematic, but that there are consequences to keeping quiet. Gulu has opened up my heart, my mind and my whole self to the world around me more so than I could have ever imagined. My travels have taught me about learning from those around me more than anything else because the moment we stop learning from one another is the moment we begin to move backwards.

I have learned to survive here; and in order to do so, I have had to simplify. Simply my interactions with other people by learning the language. Simplify how I meet my basic needs by not fully relying on electricity and running water. I have had to simplify my to do lists to a fraction of what I would normally get done in a day and embrace the Ugandan system of time. In doing all of these things I have noticed that the things that used to test my stress level to the core are now the things that bring my so much joy that I can’t bear to leave this country in the next week. My home and my origins have prepared me to live the life I have wanted to live and I have found another home. By learning to live simply, my life here has improved greatly. And in response to that it is clear I am never chained by my lifestyle or where I came from but that I am capable of choosing and creating my own. Or perhaps it chooses me when I am willing to open up my entire self to the people around me. Sometimes you have to let your hair down because the world can be your home; it is your home after all, is it not?

Paradise = An ancient memory in the heart of humanity

The land was so vast and every inch of it incredibly breath-taking that my heart couldn’t take it all in. I sit here atop a waterfall and my mind churns. I am here at Sipi Falls in one of the most beautiful countries in the world; beautiful in both culture and landscape. And even though I have found myself staring off from a cliff in a place I would normally consider quite exotic and foreign, I hear simply the sound of a cow moaning from a woman’s hut deep in the valley where the falls run into, and I hear goats screaming as they play. It is clear this place is not only a sanctuary for visitors to come and relax; it is a home to the people of Eastern Uganda who thrive and survive off of its rich valleys. After coming to this place, I know exactly what I want to express but the pathway between my heart and my brain might as well be stuffed with cotton. To describe reactions and feelings seems to almost be reducing my experiences and myself to a concept. Most of my reactions and feelings on this trip come to me one after another, hitting me like a ton of bricks, uprooting me by muddy waters, and cannot be observed by reflection. However, for the sake of writing:

I am relaxed and comfortable in Nathan’s jacket around the fire with him, Elena, Katie and Patrick. Go figure I would forget to pack warm for the mountains. Patrick is talking about sphincters and tapeworms (don’t worry, no one has any), while Nathan explains them to him. I am brushing away the mosquitoes that have been tormenting me all night, flitting from ankle to ankle. It’s colder in the mountains but I can still feel them everywhere. I stop caring, exhausted from the day, my calves aching from climbing uphill and my quads equally tinged with soreness from going downhill. The day started with a hot shower in a bamboo covered bungalow and a Spanish omelet accompanied by a glass of passion fruit juice. After breakfast Nathan twiddled with the functions on his camera by taking pictures of absolutely everything while our tour guide set up the abseiling equipment. Thirty minutes later I was repelling down Sipi Falls 100 meters from the ground. When I hit 30 meters there wasn’t a single foot hold and I continued repelling while dangling and spinning 360 degrees. Nathan’s mini camera, strategically strapped to my waist and gear, surveyed the vast land like a great span over eternity. After descending onto the rocks below, our group made our way up and down hills, ladders, cliffs, into caves, then through homes and along rows of cornstalks. We passed cows and goats and traveled around the magnificent waterholes and waterfalls that make up this region. If I thought perfection was possible, this would be it. This day made me so happy. And even though leaving Sipi Falls was hard; even though I don’t see myself coming back here for awhile, I realize that you must protect your little pockets of happiness. Even now this thought cheers me as I struggle to hold onto it.